True Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a concept that we talk a lot about in our Christian circles. We praise God for His forgiveness of our sins. We encourage each other to be forgiving of one another. But when it comes down to it, how often do we practice true Biblical forgiveness in our daily life?

I have to admit, I thought I was good at forgiving for most of my life. My mother always told me that I was the least likely person she knew to hold a grudge. It was true! When people offended me or were unkind, I just let it roll off my back. I am not sure if that is actually “forgiving” or if it’s simply being unbothered. 

It wasn't until I was a grown woman, married with two kids, and had to “put my money where my mouth is,” as they say, about forgiveness. Someone who I loved and trusted deeply had caused me more pain than I had felt before. I was sucker-punched and it stung! I couldn’t let this one roll off my back. I had to really and truly seek the Lord’s help in offering forgiveness to this person, even when they didn’t deserve it and were unrepentant regarding their actions.

Over and over this verse came to my mind:

Ephesians 4:32

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, 

even as God in Christ forgave you.

Be Kind. Be tenderhearted (sensitive). Be forgiving. Just as Christ forgave me. “But, Lord, You don’t understand what they did!,” I said. Oh but He did. He understood betrayal more than most. Forgiveness wasn’t about the other person at all. It didn’t matter if they apologized. It didn’t matter if they deserved it. And it didn’t matter if they asked for forgiveness. I was called to offer forgiveness because God in Christ forgave me. I certainly did not deserve His forgiveness, but He offered it freely. Even before I knew I needed it or asked for it.

Today, I find myself thinking about forgiveness again. During the Re|Engage class, we did an entire chapter on true Biblical forgiveness within the confines of marriage. That lesson was really helpful in understanding my need to not only forgive, but to ask for forgiveness. Outside of my marriage, the Lord is still teaching me lessons on forgiveness. Currently, I am not the one being wronged, but I am teaching my daughter about the concept of forgiveness and the consequences to her walk with Christ if she chooses not to forgive. Like most mothers, I can be forgiving if you hurt me, but if you hurt one of my children, I come out swinging. Why would anyone hurt my child? And on purpose? No ma’am, I can’t have that! But then I am reminded of the hurt that my sin caused God’s Son and the cost He paid for my forgiveness. 

Numbers 14:18

The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.

God does not sweep sin under the rug to hide it. By no means! He does judge sin. Someone had to pay for my sin so God could forgive me, and it was Jesus, His Son. In the same way, forgiving someone does not mean that their actions are justified and ok. Forgiveness is not forgetting or ignoring the wrong inflicted. No, offering forgiveness means that I am not going to let this wrong affect me any more. I am going to choose to let God handle the judging so my thoughts aren’t tormented by someone else’s actions. I want to teach my daughter that when she has been hurt, she doesn’t have to forget it, ignore it, or even be ok with it. Instead she can take it to the Lord because He knows what hurt feels like. He sees the sin done by us and to us, and nothing is beyond His gaze. We don’t have to justify ourselves, condone our own actions or plead our righteousness in any given situation. Jesus can do that for us. He simply asks us to bring Him the hurt we feel, so that we are free to forgive those who hurt us. 

Forgiving others is never about them. It’s always about us. It’s about us being obedient to the Lord’s command and keeping our hearts aligned with His. It’s about us letting go of the sorrow that comes when we allow bitterness to take root in our hearts. It’s about us acknowledging that God can be trusted with our feelings. It’s about keeping our relationship with God clean so that He will hear our prayers.

Mark 11:25 

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

Forgiveness can be a tricky concept, but it’s a necessary one to learn. No, they may not deserve forgiveness, and no, they may not ask for it. But as long as it depends on me, I want to live at peace with others (Romans 12:18). I want to make sure my account with God is clear. So I won’t harbor bitterness when someone wrongs me. And I will teach my children to let go of theirs as well. I will remind them that we didn’t deserve God to forgive us, but He did it anyway so we could live with Him for eternity. I will set aside my “righteous anger” when I am offended so that I can be ready to forgive those who hurt me or my children.

Psalms 86:5

For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to

 all those who call upon You.

Often we want forgiveness to mean that the relationship is restored and all is well again. Unfortunately this is not always the case. However, we can restore a relationship, even after a hurtful situation, if we focus on what unifies us as a Body of Believers – and that’s our shared forgiveness in Christ.  Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life says, “We can reestablish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences…God expects unity, not uniformity, and we can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye. This doesn’t mean you give up on finding a solution. You may need to continue discussing and even debating – but you do it in a spirit of harmony. Reconciliation means you bury the hatchet, not necessarily the issue.”

Prayer Points:

~ Lord, show me if I have offended anyone and need to ask for their forgiveness.

~ Father, give me a humble spirit of forgiveness towards others, even when they have not       sought a resolution.

~ Jesus, remind me that I have been forgiven so very much and let that be a reason for     me to offer forgiveness to others.

Father, I come before you in the Name of Jesus and thank You for Your forgiveness of me. I didn’t deserve it and I didn’t expect it, but You are gracious and good. The God Who Forgives (Psalms 99:8). Give me a forgiving heart and a repentant spirit. Help me to live at peace with those around me by offering forgiveness freely, even when I am hurt. Remind me to ask for forgiveness when I have wronged others. Show me that You are worthy of my trust to handle situations on my behalf. In Jesus Name, amen.

Dori Franklin

Flourish Women’s Ministry

Mid-Way Baptist Church